self-portraits

The camera and I have always had a love/hate relationship.  I've always loved taking photos of people, places, things, events, pets and especially my sons from the moment they were born. In the seventh grade when the middle school yearbook was distributed, I remember seeing my photo and feeling so upset that I actually felt sick.  I swore I would never sit for another school photo and would never appear in another yearbook  I was true to my word.  Not very many photos exist of me because I love being behind the camera and looking at photos of myself always cause me to pick myself to pieces and feel ugly.  More painfully, family members have always made comments about about how stiff and unnatural I look in photos.  A formal photo of me was said to look like Cruella Deville. 

I have seen self-portrait prompts and themes on many blogs over the past five years since I found blogging.  Several months ago I began trying to take self-portraits and at first I couldn't get the hang of it and would have a dozen photos of the top of the mirror or from the neck down.  I've studied the photos and have begun to feel more comfortable although I have a way to go before I reach self-acceptance.  I am in my mid-forties and my goal is to be in more family and event photos without having a full-blown panic attack.  I read about this exercise helping someone to become so familiar and comfortable with herself that she sees her whole self rather than many individual imperfect features.

Yes, I feel silly taking photos of myself, but it is becomming easier and I am feeling more comfortable so that I have recently caught shots of myself smiling and laughing.  Ali Edwards has some really good examples of self-portraits.

Does anyone else out there participate in a self-portrait challenge or take self-portraits?  I would love to hear about your feelings about it and if you scrap them in Me pages or not.

xo Susi xo